A few months have gone by since everything happened with us, and it really is starting to feel like a long time ago. I've been feeling a bit better. Actually happy to do massages, excited about working out, and motivated to lose these extra 10 pounds that I put on. At times I can even talk about pregnancy and all that goes along with it without breaking down. I feel as though all of these are steps in the right direction and that excites me.
This past week I had to do my first pregnancy massage since before I took my leave and it was hard. I know that I have no business doing those at this point in time. The happiness I feel for these ladies is there, but I still feel like the energy I may be putting into them by giving them a massage may not be all good. It's funny because as much as the whole birthing process excites me and inspires me, I know that I shouldn't surround myself with pregnant ladies yet. It is not the time. Pregnancy and possibly doula certification are in my future, but not the immediate future. I'm just trying to live a day at a time at this point, and so far that is working out for me.
Next week we are hopefully meeting with a genetic counselor. What I have learned through research and in my HPE support group is that this whole situation could possibly be an isolated incident. Meaning that possibly neither Amir nor I have the gene for this and that is just happened randomly. I half think that this would be better, and that we just were part of some horrible lottery that we actually "won". So i'll have more on that hopefully by the end of next week.
So things keep moving on as they always have. I will always feel a little bit different than I used to, but I am looking forward to things again. My qigong seminar is coming up in a few weeks and then an old friend will be coming to town. Things to look forward to are always good to have :)
