3 Days

3 days have gone by since Augustine passed away and I feel lost. I know that this would be the perfect time to find a project to bring all of my attention to, but honestly, I just don't care. At this moment in time nothing really has much meaning. I know that life goes on and as time passes things will possibly get easier, but at this moment nothing really matters much to me.
There is definitely a tattoo in the works, that I hope to get as soon as i'm off of these meds, but I find it hard to focus on coming up with ideas for it for longer than 5 minutes. It also doesn't help that I can't draw. Found some cool photos of things online, but still wish that I could draw some things out. Probably even if I could draw it would be hard to find my focus right now.
This may sound dumb, but the more days go by, the sadder i've been feeling because that may be less that I remember how my baby felt when she was kicking around in my stomach. I miss everything about being pregnant. Being tired, hungry, reading all the good pregnancy books, and I even miss the heartburn. I just want all of those feelings to come back because it means she would be back with me again. I know that i'll never forget about her or how she felt, but I feel like something has been taken from me. Something that i'll never get back.
The feelings that I feel May possibly lessen over time. However, the horrible sense of losing a child will stay with me forever and I am now part of that list that nobody wants to ever be a part of. Nobody should ever lose a child. Even though we didn't get the chance to know our child personally, we still grew to know her over these 5 months and were looking forward to those drawings that she was gonna put all over our refrigerator and all of those things that we were gonna teach her. Those feelings of loss will never go away.